Eyefuls

I began to notice the stares. Out of the corner of my eye I could see people staring at me. A vicious stare, though not hurtful. It was truly a look I'd never seen before, a new one for the collection of looks I'd ever seen. It was like they were looking at me and through me at the same time. In the beginning it was only people I was familiar with. A coworkers gaze would linger a little too long, or a good friend would peer into me when he didn't think I could see him. It was one of those things you put away in your mind. Of course they aren't staring at you, you're being crazy. Just being crazy. I started to doubt that reasoning when I felt eyes on me from total strangers. Passing a person on the street and you can tell they are examining you from your periphery. It's one of the most unpleasant feelings I'd had the discomfort of knowing. People of all heights and weights and sizes and genders would occasionally look upon me with a certain scowl. As if they didn't know how to process what they were seeing but they knew they didn't like it.

This problem became a regular occurrence after a while. I was afraid to look anywhere but straight down, for fear of noticing the looks that I know are on me. They had become more daring on top of it. Standing in the checkout line, I'd see feet gather around me as I focused on the ground. Pairs of shoes all pointing at me from all around. Sometimes so close they would be only a few inches from my own shoes. I would close my eyes and continue on my way, eventually reaching my house, where I would have respite. Except I would dream about it as well. And everyone would have giant eyes and little pupils and their eyes would end up pressing against me until I was sandwiched between whites and whites. 

Today I woke up with stark determination. My life was in shambles and I was terrified to leave my house. I didn't want to do it anymore. I would defeat one of them today. When I left my house I wasn't accustomed to having people walk by routinely and nobody look my way. Are they toying with me? Maybe I am insane. I walked but a block and as I entered the crosswalk I turned to the nearest person and grabbed them by the arm. It was a black woman in a suit, with a tie over her turtleneck. I didn't realize how ridiculous she looked at first because I immediately locked eyes with her. I felt the feeling again. Suddenly all eyes were on me, almost literally. I stared at this woman, and she stared at me, our eyes making a bridge into each other's brains, and everyone else stared at us. People stopped and rushed towards us, parking themselves a safe distance away and observing. My peripheral vision had peaked by this point and I could see some of them as I battled sight with my challenger. It became wild and ominous. I knew something would go wrong if I messed up. Messed up what, I still don't know, but I needed this. It felt like I did at least. 

There we stood, untouching, unfeeling, incapable of interrupting our ritual. It truly felt like an eternity. Neither of us closed our eyes or looked away. Time escaped me, as I used all of my focus to match gazes with my chosen harbinger. This woman would release me from the all-seeing eyes of the populace. I began to sweat profusely. I was tense. My eyes were drying. My hair knocked around my head as the wind slapped through the scene. And as quickly as I locked her into this silent partnership, things changed once more. It seemed like everything happened at once, but the catalyst to it all was a simple action. Not normally thought about or given precedence or power. A normally involuntary thing. She blinked.