As I sat in my car after just starting it, I had that feeling where you walk into a room and forget where you're going. Temporary amnesia. You sit aloof and ponderous, briefly stuck in a state of idiotic bliss. Exiting my womb, I came to the realization I had saliva in my mouth. I gathered it up and spat it right into the windshield. That brought me back to reality faster than an alarm yanking me from dreamland. The clear, new spit hung tight on the window, as I tried to wrap my simple mind around what just happened. I was unprepared for the mess I'd made so I pulled my coat sleeve up over my fist and wiped at it awkwardly. The angle of the window and the length of my jacket's arm made it difficult to get entirely, and so I disembarked with a new window slime and an appreciation for a clear view.
I got to my cousin's house late. Thinking about how I might explain this lapse of thought to anyone who might encounter the result consumed what was left of my mental resources and caused me to drive past the turn for his house and 4 blocks further still until my body once again caught up to my brain and rectified the situation. For a while I contemplated not even going. A few seconds in the wrong direction and I was already caving in to doubt. Doubt was always on the edge of my thoughts, sliming up the perimeter and greasing the causeway. Then a monotonous hammer of infinitesimal inconvenience breaks down the fragile neural wall my brain aggravatingly just fixed. Even still, a wall several times rebuilt is as strong as it's most recent erection. This one was structurally defective.
I decided not to go. I wouldn't even make up a lie. I parked and texted my cousin I wouldn't be over. Faced with a now overwhelming amount of free time, I pondered my options. I went with the old classic. Listen to music on my bed with the lights off. It was around 5 pm, but it was raining, so the natural shine creeping in the windows was few and gray. Concise beams of cloudy sun made pretty shapes that had never been made before. I got lost in the sounds of the chords and the rhythm of the light. Almost 3 hours had passed before the light disappeared entirely and left me in a deep shade. The only light now was the LED glow of my phone. It was so drowningly dark and I loved it. Even the sound was darkened. I couldn't rightfully explain it but I felt at home in the darkness. Concealed, hidden, and safe. The deep blue artificial beep of my phone's glowing notification indicator briefly illuminated parts of my room to my focused eyes. I was a spy on a secret mission, deep in enemy territory, looking over my surroundings for strengths and weaknesses. I was a spectre surveying his shadow kingdom, in tune with the very essence of the air and connecting with it in an ethereal way. I was a young boy, lost and alone on a distant planet, with only a faint unfamiliar light to guide his way. I was a teenager sprawled out on his bed.
I remembered I had somewhere to be at this precise moment. I rolled over and closed my eyes.
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